A Delightful Date

With analysis

Sometimes it’s fun to look back on dates. What’s not so fun is to contemplate the abysmal state of dating these days, which due in part to the breakdown of community has led to the horrid apps etc. etc. Though I will say that over the years I’ve had some awful experiences with people I’ve met “organically,” so I don’t put all the blame on the apps.

But in an attempt to remind myself that dating at least has the potential to be a pleasant experience, I’ll start with the positive and relive a delightful date, which occurred a few years after college. Well, I guess it wasn’t technically a date as one of my girlfriends joined. Still, it led into a relationship, so I’m going to count it.

I’d seen “Him” around for a bit. We went to “sister churches” (both PCA) and shared a few friends/acquaintances. And for some reason, we kept running into each other, which was exciting because he seemed, well, fantastic.

One Saturday evening after attending a folk dancing event, a friend and I leisurely strolled down the main drag of a bustling St. Louis business district called The Loop, when lo and behold, guess who we ran into? Yes, Him, the fascinating guy, who kept popping up. Of course I was beyond thrilled.

We stopped to chat, and then one thing led to another, and before I knew it, my friend and I found ourselves in his car driving down the interstate across the river in search of a good spot to STARGAZE of all things.

Per my suggestion, our first stop was the Cahokia Mounds, which are remnants of an ancient civilization that once flourished in the area. The mounds, seventy of which are preserved, were used for a variety of purposes, e.g., religious ceremonies and burial grounds.

Alas, upon arrival, we found out that we’d arrived too late as the site was closed for the evening. In daring moods (fed by flying sparks!), we talked ourselves into ignoring the sign and walked up one of the mounds anyway — I think it was the highest one called Monk’s Mound, which stands at 100 feet, so there were a bunch of steps as you can imagine.

When we reached the top of the mound, we laughed as immediately it became clear that we had chosen — well I had chosen — one of the absolute worst spots for stargazing. St. Louis lay just across the river, and the light from the city washed out the stars almost completely.

We lingered for a few minutes, and my girlfriend and I (giggling, I’m sure!) busted out some of our folk dance moves before descending. As a side note, I love that my young- self thought folk dance moves might impress Him.

But the night was still young, and He came up with another spot that He thought may prove more successful. Honestly, I have no memory of the spot He chose or if we had better luck with the stars. I do vaguely recall railroad tracks and open fields, and I certainly remember the yipping howls of coyotes. But what was important was that He was near, and it seemed that He just might be feeling what I was feeling, and that awareness is sheer magic.

Back at home that night, I tossed and turned in my bed unable to sleep because I kept replaying the evening’s adventure: the providential run in with Him, the hilarity of choosing the Cahokia Mounds as a stargazing destination, and the joy of getting to know him better.

Looking back on this date, I’m struck by the spontaneity. I’m sure a large part of this has to do with the fact that I was quite young. Nowadays, I can’t even imagine randomly deciding to hang out for hours with someone I hardly know. To my determent, most of my social encounters these days include making plans way in advance and marking calendars.

It’s also notable that I met Him organically. He went to a church with some of my relatives, and as I mentioned, we shared several mutual friends and acquaintances. Inadvertently, we kept running into each other at community events such as weddings, parties, bbq’s etc. We weren’t looking for anything to happen, it just did.

And then there’s the creative element to the date. We didn’t opt to go for drinks, watch TV, blah blah blah. No, we went in search of stars, and it became a laughable adventure when we ran into certain obstacles along the way. There’s nothing wrong with drinks, TV etc., it’s just that sometimes it’s pleasurable, not to mention memorable, to mix it up.

Finally, I love that one of my girlfriends joined me — though later she did express feeling rather like a third wheel, which is too bad, and I’m sorry for that. Of course it would have been best if it was a group date, so she didn’t feel that way, but the fact that she was there, which at the risk of sounding rather Purity Culture-ish, was/is a good, protective measure when you are just getting to know someone — especially if you’re a lady.

This all reminds me that there is potential for dating to feel fun, safe, and adventurous. Believe me, I’m not looking to go back to some kind of dating golden age. No matter what season I’ve been in, I’m one of those people that’s always found dating to be really hard.

Still, it’s amusing to look back on this memory and to notice certain elements that went into making it a great date. I mean, regardless of what played out in that relationship (it lasted maybe 3-4 months), it’s hard to forget the memory of folk dancing atop a closed Native American Mound which proved to be the worst place possible to view the stars.

Monk’s Mound, from the Internet (Wikipedia to be exact!).